Quality Experience: How to Walk with Imposter Syndrome

I struggle with Imposter Syndrome. Most of the people I know deeply struggle with it. And, most of the people I admire the most struggle with IS.

Let’s begin with naming it. The “IS”. The IS will tell you you aren’t good enough, or have the necessary qualifications or skills. Maybe the IS tells you that you don’t have what it takes, aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, old enough, young enough, or cool enough.

The IS is never satisfied.

Let’s face this fact. Think of your imposter syndrome. When has it ever been happy with you? Did you work so hard that it came back crawling on its hands and knees amazed at what you did? If so, congratulations. For me, that’s never happened. If I attempt to look at my work through the IS’s eyes, there is always something not quite right or left undone.

So, if the IS is never satisfied, then why do we try to satisfy it?

What should we follow instead?

Let’s follow the work. What is The Work? To me, The Work is any act that brings order into disorder or creates something that never existed before. For me, it expresses itself in many ways. It can be a scarf I crocheted, or reaching out to someone I’ve never met before. It’s going to the gym when I don’t want to. It’s making my bed in the morning. It’s choosing to start my day in a peaceful state rather than a disorganized one.

The Work takes on so many forms. At this moment, it’s me writing this post. And, behind the work is The WHY. Why am I writing right now? I’m writing to create resources for my future self that I can reference at any time. I write about solutions I haven’t found online, so I and others can reference them in the future. I want a living resume. And, I write to clear the path of anyone following behind me.

And, here’s the rub. The Work isn’t satisfied either. There is always more to do, learn, grow, change from, and create with. I can only be a contributor. The Work is never finished. I can only add to it.

If I’m sitting at a table, the work is in front of me. The IS is beside me. And, the only thing I can do is decide which to follow.

Motivation will not help you

Here’s where I think we’ve been lied to. For years, much of the self-help space has focused on motivation. If you are motivated, you will do the thing. And, yeah, motivation is a helpful force. But, we’ve been told that motivation is necessary for movement. This is not true, in my opinion. Think of what you’ve done today. Where do you expect motivation to show up? Which activities did you accomplish without the help of motivation? Getting dressed? Brushing your teeth? Going to work? Typically, I don’t always have the motivation to do any of these things, but I do them. Why? Because they are essential to my well-being. I want to work because of the benefits it provides. I am thankful to be at a place where I like my job. And, I can still not want to work some days. That’s normal. But, I go because it’s good for me.

Instead of motivation, focus on movement. I create calendar events for when I need to work on my craft. Then, I show up for the event when the day comes. I treat it like anything else essential to my well-being. As I work, good things happen. Showing up and participating is the first step.

You will feel like crap

The creative life is not what Instagram paints it. Most days, sitting in front of the computer, I don’t know what I want to say or know if I have the ability to say it. Sprinkle that feeling with all the ways the IS is trying to bring me down and get me to step away from the work. It’s not a fun time. And, if I’m not feeling great, here’s the good news. I’m not “doing it wrong”. Sometimes, the work is hard and can’t be done pretty. That’s okay. Why? The point is to work. Frustrations and weird feelings are a normal part of the process. Being on the side of creation means that things will get messy. Expect the messiness and give yourself grace in the midst of it.

Things may not turn out like you hoped

Years ago, I quit my job to find a remote one. I signed the offer letter and a few weeks in I wasn’t feeling okay about how things were going. I didn’t understand the uneasiness I was feeling. This is what I wanted! I wanted a remote job. I wanted to be in this position. But, my intuition kept sitting on my chest telling me that I needed to find something else. I ignored it for as long as I could, but after a few months, my intuition proved right and I looked for another job. It’s okay if one part of the journey leads into unexpected territory. Every experience is feedback for where you need to go next. Take that feedback even if it feels frustrating or unfair. You’ll find your bearings and be able to orient yourself in the right direction.

Why should I even do this?

If the creative journey is riddled with resistance*, bad feelings, and discontent then why would we even try to create or change anything?

In my opinion, it’s because there are two sides to living. Everyone you admire is doing The Work to create change. And, everyone you loathe is doing The Work to create change. All of us are given the invitation to create change. You can live on the side where change happens, or you can be on the side where change happens to you. If you live in this world, you will experience the latter. And, all of us are given the opportunity to participate in the former.

I would rather be on the other side of something done, than on the side of not doing anything at all.

How can I create when the IS is right beside me?

The answer is to create. Everyday. If you need a break, give yourself a break. It’s okay if you don’t always feel up for it or if life gets in the way. But, if you stop for a little while, make sure you decide when you will start again. That’s the secret. You only need to start. And, in starting, you will create something that has never existed and it has the power to create the change we need.

*Resistance is a name used by Steven Pressfield in the book “The War of Art”. His mindset surrounding the creative life has been a lifesaver for me. I highly recommend his work on creativity.

Please enjoy an inside peak into how I start my posts. Many times, I don’t know where to start or how to put together the thoughts in my head. Below is what I wrote before I got to a point where things started to make sense. I hope this helps you realize that things don’t have to be perfect or clear when beginning a project. It’s also unedited, for your enjoyment. Grammar critiques, don’t @ me.

Be the change, my friends.

I can’t wait to see what you create.

Written with Sounds To Surrender To (3hrs) - Healing Guitar Frequencies - For Rest, Stillness & Inner Peace playing in the background